American Gothic inspires new Nat leadership duo
Much loved (mainly by Labour supporters) Sheriff Simon Bridges has sailed off to wherever former party leaders sail off to while his trusty deputy Paula Bennett is also no longer in sight.
Instead National has opted for a liberal Aucklander and a conservative Catholic as their new top odd couple.
While it would have seemed likely to many that Nikki Kaye with her greater experience, political savvy and No.7 party ranking would have been the leader, that role went to the man with less experience, a number 43 ranking and a lot less hair – Todd Muller.
An unidentified national spokesperson told KCNews (perhaps Jami-Lee Ross, perhaps not) that they acknowledged Ms Kaye's greater qualifications and experience but said despite that she lacked the essential attribute to lead National – "she is a sheila and Toddy's a bloke and this is National so I hope that's all nice and clear."
"Sure she is prettier than the Toddstar and has more hair, well my leather couch has more hair, but you know hers is blond as well."
Ms Kaye fielded media questions after the coup (it is not known whether it was entirely bloodless or not) but she was already standing by her man in a scene reminiscent of American Gothic, describing Mr Muller as "probably the most decent person" she knew. Scary. She said the American Gothic pose was planned and seemed appropriate as National had been well forked by Simon and Paula and they mean to carry on in the same tradition.
The unnamed spokesperson, who said he was definitely not Jami-Lee Ross, maintains the Party is now completely unified. "The entire front bench looks like the cast of Coneheads and we are all set to shine with the Toddmaster in charge."
The Pope was unavailable for comment.