In breaking news the government has just announced a new Casino is to be built on Kāpiti Island.
This comes hot on the heels of the recent discovery of vast amounts of coal on the Island.
Minister Shame Jones says since the recent discovery of rich coal deposits on Kāpiti Island it makes sense to have somewhere for the miners to spend their new minimum wages (up 25cents an hour) and where better than the superb new Kāpiti Island Casino.
Minister Jones says “all this woke nonsense about saving rare native species in protected habitats has got to stop. I didn’t get where I am today by saving rare species.”
He says it’s time to get real. “We have tourists to plunder and I say let’s just get on with it. I didn’t get where I am today by not just getting on with it,” says Mr Jones.
When told Kāpiti Island was a sanctuary for Kiwis Mr Jones says that was great news.
“I have long held the view that Kiwi Burgers will be a big seller with tourists and we already have plans in place to build a specialised Kiwi Burger joint right next to the casino. I didn’t get where I am today by not eating Kiwi Burgers,” he says.
“Our Kāpiti Kiwi burgers will be locally sourced and sauced and they will go well with the frog pies we have planned.”
Shame Jones says like most of the Coalition’s policy announcements April 1st seems the perfect time to share the good news.
A spokesperson from the group Say No To Frog Pies says they plan to write a strong letter to the editor.
