By Pullet Surprise News Agency
STEVENS: You’ll have to ask the Minister of Transport that.
PULLET SURPRISE: But Minister we haven’t asked any questions yet.
STEVENS: I presume you’re wanting to talk about the McKays to Peka Peka Expressway.
PULLET SURPRISE: Well yes Minister, but we were merely wanting to congratulate you on the EPA Board of Inquiry decision.
STEVENS: Nothing to do with me. Talk to the Transport Minister.
PULLET SURPRISE: But wasn’t it your idea back when you were Minister of Transport?
STEVENS: Certainly not. It was the result of a comprehensive consultation process carried out by the New Zealand Transport Agency in tandem with the people of Kāpiti.
PULLET SURPRISE: But the Kāpiti mayor stated, following your appearance at a series of meetings in the district in September 2009, that Kāpiti was offered a choice between a lemon and a dog and that you had used bullying tactics to manipulate the community into turning the Western Link Road into the expressway.
STEVENS: I have no specific recollection and it sounds like a case of sour grapes to me.
PULLET SURPRISE: Or sour lemons?
STEVENS: Look, there’s no point in turning back the clock.
PULLET SURPRISE: But many say that you yourself have turned back the clock by reviving an already discredited option for rerouting State Highway One following the Western Link corridor, or Sandhills, route.
STEVENS: Not my idea. The people of Kāpiti chose it and frankly you seem to be disregarding the current Minister of Transport’s responsibility for the matter.
PULLET SURPRISE: You were a pupil at St Patrick’s Primary and Kāpiti College were you not?
STEVENS: What’s your point?
PULLET SURPRISE: You did projects on the Sandhills Motorway concept?
STEVENS: I barely remember if I did or not. Maybe, but so what? Look! A decision has been made following due process and frankly you’ll have to talk to the Minister of Transport because I have other fish to fry.
PULLET SURPRISE: Like Nogopay?
STEVENS: Yes, and growing our economy to the benefit of all New Zealanders.
PULLET SURPRISE: Including supporting a projected loss of 80 cents in every dollar spent on the expressway, and many millions of dollars in lost property values to Kāpiti home owners.
STEVENS: We were elected by the people of New Zealand to govern. We see the bigger picture and know what we’re doing.
PULLET SURPRISE: Well we’re glad somebody does. Thank you Minister.
STEVENS: What for?
PULLET SURPRISE: Now you’re talking.
