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Osama Bin Laden Seen at Coastlands?
By Pullet Surprise News Agency

A number of independent sightings have been reported of a tall, gaunt, middle eastern looking man, closely resembling Osama Bin Laden, wandering Paraparaumu's Coastlands shopping mall.

'I'm sure it's him' said a rather agitated older woman, who prefers to remain anonymous in case people think she is mad. 'I've seen him on TV but he's shaven his beard off and he's wearing a suit. He looked rather stooped and sad you know and I almost felt sorry for him. But didn't the Americans kill him though I thought. They didn't you know. He's here.'

Pullet Surprise spoke to local Police, who simply laughed the matter off. Senior Sergeant Constable told us that about 20 people had reported seeing him and that none of these reports was being taken seriously.

Coastlands management refused to let Pullet Surprise view surveillance footage because, as a spokesperson stated, 'It would require a Police request. Besides, they killed him you know.'

A retired police investigator, who also prefers to remain anonymous, said 'Look! I'm trained to recognise people, even if they dress differently and shave their beards off and things like that. I saw him myself last week. I know they say they killed him in Pakistan and all that, but I tell you I'd put good money that it was him I saw. In my view Obama and his lot just pretended to kill him because it was coming up to the American election year. Clearly he's escaped ages ago and now he's just hiding in plain sight, as they say.

 
Comments
Samila B Laden (added 228 weeks ago)
Leave him alone! He only went out for some beer & onions
J Abbott, Paraparaumu (added 228 weeks ago)
I think I saw him as well. He was in the food court talking to the Easter Bunny and Elvis Presley.
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