Bill English asks New Zealanders to please ‘look busy’ for US Secretary of state visit
9 June, 2017
By More superb satire from The Civilian
Prime Minister Bill English is making a sincere appeal to all New Zealanders this week, ahead of a visit from US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.
Tillerson will arrive in Wellington on Tuesday, and English says he wants all New Zealanders to "tidy up" and "look busy."
"This is a very important visit for New Zealand," he said in Facebook video posted earlier today. "I know most of you don't really do much, and we tend to live it pretty relaxed around here, but we don't want to get in trouble, so please, just for next week, could you make it look like you're doing something?"
The Prime Minister recommended that if you have "anything to do at all", do it "preferably on Tuesday."
"If you don't have a job, maybe just pretend you do," he suggested. "Go outside, go to work, take the train, or just sweep the footpath. Please, anything."
English also wanted kiwis to hide any bottles of alcohol, and do their best to clean up any stains.
"If one or two people could take it upon themselves to go to church, that'd also be helpful," he added. "Oh, and I need at least twelve of you down on Bowen Street with seventeen litres of bleach. I'll do my best to explain when you get there."
A statement from the White House says Tillerson is "very much looking forward to visiting New Zealand, and spxakknnlzl.y"
Other stories in this section:
KC News: the Internet Newspaper for the Kapiti Coast